May 19, 2004

Best. Post. Ever. (as they say)

Kate of Small Dead Animals finally lets the cat out of the bag. Here are a few of the money quotes (I've Dowdified it for those who are in a hurry):

Over at the Shotgun, Laura is frightened.

"This is scary shit. The prison abuses are scary shit. All of the lies are scary shit."

Well, Laura, you found us out. I confess... there is a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and nobody noticed until now. I know this is true, because, well . . . I'm in it.

There never were any weapons of mass destruction. None. Anywhere. We knew that all along - there never was a Halabja. It was filmed in a remote part of Texas hill country. Mexican illegals, playing dead for the camera.

We murdered Vince Foster, just to watch him die. And so we could blame Hillary.

Udday was gunned down by the capitalist forces of globalization. His hands were in the air, his fingers pleading - "Peace". He knew the cure for cancer, so they couldn't let him live. There were panties on his head.

Nick Berg is on a secret tropical island, with his Helliburton pension, golfing with Jack Kennedy and sharing peanut butter and bacon sandwiches with Elvis. Yucking it up with Danny Pearl. There's a greenish glass jar in the entertainment center, beside the big screen TV. Inside, a Roswell alien floats gently, gently, upside down. A pallid little creature bobbing in a lava lamp. Some sick bastard has slapped a decal on it; "Don't Mess With Texas."

"Don't Mess With Texas," Laura.

There are alligators in the sewers of New York. I once had a friend who knew someone who had a Doberman who choked on the finger of a burglar. In the fifties there was a engine that got 200 miles to the gallon but Big Oil stole the plans and murdered the inventor. The drug companies created AIDS through genetic engineering to kill the gays. Ronald Reagan told them to. The WTC towers were taken out by Israeli missiles, there never was a Holocaust and the JEWS RULE THE WORLD!!!

So, Laura, there you have it. You're free to go. You've got the truth now - spread the word. Proclaim it far and wide. Write your newspaper. Nobody will believe you, because...

We're a vast right wing conspiracy.

And we own the media.

Be afraid; be very afraid. And go read the whole thing; it's mandatory.

Via James.

Posted by Attila at May 19, 2004 02:22 PM
Comments

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Posted by: Tessy Lou at November 19, 2004 02:52 AM




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