January 26, 2005

Sex in the Morning

Turns out there's a huge controversey about it. I just mentioned it in the context of someone I was going out with when I was just out of college, and suddenly the "pro-morning sex" people were lining up against the "anti-morning sex" people. I was fascinated, since I hadn't realized any females at all fell into that first group.


1) [for women] How long does it take you to switch gears to get interested in sex in the morning? Is coffee/tea required? Do you need to shower, or at least brush your teeth?

2) [for men] Is sex in the morning the whole . . . gamut, or is it just taking care of your own side of things? That is, if you have sex in the morning can you really get the woman all the way to the Shining City on the Pillow? How? [I'm sure there's a way to be delicate about this.] Or is it just understood that this one is for you, and you'll do something nice for her later on?

3) [for women] If there's been some policy misunderstanding and you wake up in the middle of a congress, what's the etiquette?--"Um, you seem to have your dick in me"? Is there a tactful way to say "no" at that point?

4) [for women] Are you ever tempted to wake the man up for sex, say in the middle of the night? Ever do anything about it?

Posted by Attila at January 26, 2005 01:06 AM

3 questions for women and 1 for men. I feel neglected (j/k).

I prefer sex in the morning. I'm rested, usually not in pain or have a headache (etc.), and am ready to go. I'm also an early riser so morning sex rarely happens for me.

Can I make my wife have an orgasm? Certainly. It involves the same things as non-morning sex. Fingers, tongue, and the tallywacker are all involved at one time or another and I'm usually not able to get off unless the wife does first (unless I've just come home from a long deployment or something; then chances are her hair gets messy).

Posted by: Chris Short at January 26, 2005 02:00 AM

Sex in the morning is the best time. My wife agrees and is actually more adamant about that than I am. To anser your "man-only" question:

- yes she gets to the "shining city on the pillow"; I am as aroused by this as much as for myself (and no I am not lying).

I would note to those trying for kids, your male counterpart's sperm count is generally at its highest in the morning, or so my wife and her friends have read.

Posted by: bluedog at January 26, 2005 07:14 AM

Once there's a kid in the house and parental careers happening, preference bows to scheduling and opportunity. Ahh, for the days when there were ooptions.

Posted by: everysandwich at January 26, 2005 11:05 AM

Tongue in Cheek: Morning Sex? You can do that?

1) It usually takes the wife several hours before she's willing.

2) And if she's not willing, there really is very little point. It is absolutely not just one sided. To me morning sex is one of the best ways to start the day, but sex shouldn't be just about one person, so it doesn't happen very often. As for... ahem... activities, it depends more on mood than time of day.

4) Tongue back in cheek: Oh how I wish.

Posted by: Masked Menace© at January 26, 2005 01:51 PM

Delicately ... Lets see.... OK, I got it.

That wasn't a railroad whistle you heard.

Posted by: Ironcross11 at January 26, 2005 04:01 PM

I would prefer sex in the evening--I just figure it's more relaxed, with no time pressures to jump up and scurry about getting ready for the day, and allows for that delicious afterglow to be savored.

But Daisycat is rarely interested in the evening--practically never. She definitely prefers the morning. I am a night owl, and leave about an hour after her in the morning. She occasionally has to wake me up so we can fit it in before work.

As for question 2, of course. It wouldn't be sex without her side of things coming to fruition. I'm with bluedog on this topic (I can actually feel hers myself sometimes).

How? Well without turning this into a sex-ed class, let's just say it usually involves an implement that requires batteries. Sometimes not, but she prefers the "implement"--in combination with various of my appendages of course.

Regarding question 4, if I'm a little slow in waking up, she knows from experience that if she get's busy next to me with the "implement" anyway, then that will rouse me right up with a turgid member ready to go.

Prediction: this is going to be one humdiger of a thread again. ;)

Posted by: Desert Cat at January 26, 2005 04:17 PM

1) Sex? Morning? You are kidding, right?
3)Haven't ever had that problem in the morning.
4)Middle of the night is a different time zone. Yes. Yes. (Also see #3... don't consider that a problem in the middle of the night, I consider it a benefit.)
Defining terms: Middle of the night is whenever I don't have to wake up. Things done in my sleep can be fun.
Morning is when I have to get up and do things. (I worked graveyard shift for a number of years so my definition of 'morning' had to change a bit.)

Posted by: Kathy K at January 26, 2005 05:35 PM

Oh, graveyard shift. That was perfect for me. I miss it.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 26, 2005 05:57 PM

Once you have three kids and all those responsiblities, evenings are rushed or late or both. Mornings are always best because both parties are usually rested.

I suppose it helps that I work from home and so does my wife.

Posted by: King of Fools at January 27, 2005 10:38 AM

I wonder how much of my uptightness about morning sex has to do with a conviction that I can't be sexual until I'm fully awake. Theoretically, I should find it easier to get into the right frame of mind, rather than more difficult.

But there is the fact that for females sexual excitement and sleep are discrete states. I mean, I can have sexy dreams, but I can't actually have sex in my sleep. I think this makes a difference. YMMV.

And of course I'm hugely concerned about how clean I am first thing in the morning. I worry about everything from the stubble on my legs to "how funky am I down there?"

When I was in my twenties I had a boyfriend who wanted morning sex a lot. I told him it was possible, if he'd just bring me some tea in bed. What I meant, of course, was "bring me some tea, and let's talk and cuddle, and I'll probably get into the mood."

What he did was bring me tea and without even getting in bed again just sit there and stare at me, waiting for me to magically wake up and get horny. Naturally, it never happened. Not once.

It was as if bringing the tea was like putting the dollar into the Coke machine: he had paid the money, and he was waiting for the sex to be dispensed.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 27, 2005 12:42 PM

Oh boy, sex is my FAVORITE subject! Thank you Miss Attila!

1) I am Not. A. Morning. Person. I need an hour and a half every day to wake up, my espresso-shower-toothbrush time. And I want to be really awake for such an interesting thing. But by then the inspiration can disappear. BUT! my husband needs wake up time too. How much? An hour and a half!!! Isn't that nice? Having the initial urge myself is very rare but it has happened. Weird. But such a happy thing, any morning funkiness got speedily fixed or gladly overlooked by both sides.
3) Excuse me here, gentlemen; present company is clearly excepted. Some women are spared the experiences that make a "policy misunderstanding" so very hurtful. But waking up in the middle of a congress means there was no consent. Tact and etiquette are no longer required. Now that I'm truly grown up, if it ever happened again it would bring out my inner Warrior Princess. It should. If it had when I was young and so scared, my sweet and innocent husband would be spared from comforting his wife over damage caused by some jerk.
4) Yes. (And how I do it is fine by him; I asked him early on in the light of day.) Since sex is (and should always be) nice, but waking someone up is not, this is a problem. So I throw all my directness out the window and bring out the feminine wiles. This means various delicate snuggling and spooning techniques, little innocent tossings and turnings. If he wakes up he's almost always interested by then, and often thinks it was his idea. Look, oh boy she's actually awake! gee, how'd that happen?! (hee hee!) When it doesn't work, I bow out, left to my own devices. Which can wake him up right there if I'm not careful.

Posted by: k at January 27, 2005 05:13 PM

You mean there's a time that's not good for sex?

Posted by: Attila (Pillage Idiot) at January 27, 2005 08:23 PM

"I can't be sexual until I'm fully awake...for females sexual excitement and sleep are discrete states...I can't actually have sex in my sleep."

You know, I never thought of it that way, but you're absolutely right. Guys can have an orgasm in their sleep, but I've never even heard of a woman doing so.


Posted by: k at January 27, 2005 08:26 PM

Like many other commenters have said, once you have kids, you no longer have the luxury of deciding between morning and night sex. You have to take it when you can get it and hope you don't hear the baby(s) in the monitor in the middle of things.

Q#2 - Personally, whether it's morning or night sex, it's always about her. She goes first unless I'm late for work or there's some other time constraint that forces a "quickie".

Q#4 - I used to instigate middle of the night - wake up for sex style activity, but even when I want to these days, I usually let her sleep as sleep has gotten to be a valuable commodity. Tragic, I know.

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