January 29, 2005

Saturday's Alright for Angst

I've been depressed for two years, but this last month has been one of the worst in a long time.

I'm thinking of taking up smoking.

But I'd have to either allow my drapes to get all smokey, or go outdoors where, let's face it, it's just freezing cold. And by that I mean, it's 60 degrees fahrenheit.

Of course, if I continue to be this depressed for much longer, I'll be able to fit into those hip-hugger jeans hanging in the back of my closet. I mean, I won't be willing to go anywhere in them, but they'll fit.

And won't that be nice? I can lounge around in my skinny jeans, avoiding responsibility and trying to remember how to smoke without coughing.

It occurs to me that I'd make a superb 13-year-old girl. Except, you know, for the lines around my eyes.

Well, I finally found someone to turn me upside down,
And nail my feet up where my head should be.
If they had a King of Fools then I could wear that crown,
And you can all die laughing because I'll wear it proudly.

Posted by Attila at January 29, 2005 06:00 PM

My entire family shares certain hereditary health problems: rheumatoid arthritis, impingement syndrome (shoulder tendons), allergies, hypothyroid, extremely high arches in our feet. And depression.

1) Please do NOT, NOT, NOT take up smoking. Besides all the obvious reasons - you already have some repiratory issues from allergies; it's ridiculously expensive; it's stinky and dirty and greasy smoke clings to that nice house you like to keep clean; etc. etc. - the biochemical changes from numerous active ingredients in tobacco will actually INCREASE your depression. This is DUMB. Don't let your inner libertarian suffer the insult of handing someone else power and control over you. Do that right thing and keep on taking responsibility for your own actions.

Addiction also depresses you situationally: it sucks to realize you're any kind of addict. It means you voluntarily gave up a certain control over yourself to people that work hard to make sure you're addicted. This makes them huge shitloads of money. These people fit my definition of "evil" to a T.

2) Chronic depression is just a chemical imbalance, a health problem like any other. GET IT TREATED. I hate to say this to a Californian, but take the damn pills. Prozac, whatever, sometimes you & the doc have to experiment to get it right. You have far more to fear from the illness than the cure. If nothing else please just give it a try. Yes a "natural" solution like talk therapy is better in some ways but it takes far longer. Don't waste another 2 years in and out of the cycles of depression. Take the pills now to get it under control, and you can do the talk therapy over time, and quit the pills when you're ready.

3) Adult symptoms of depression usually don't include "anger." For men especially, but also for women, I think this is an unrecognized and important symptom. If you feel you've had both depression and anger issues in these 2 years, treating your depression can do wonders for anger too.

4) This disease has a high mortality rate. GET IT TREATED. Out here in the blogosphere, we love you and need you and want you to stick around. Don't let us down by succumbing even a little bit to this illness. Not even the little bit of, say, deciding not to do a post here and there. Every time you do that, you're depriving your loyal readers of our required dosage of high quality, highly entertaining posts by Little Miss Attila.

5) Say you keep talking and wondering and don't decide to take action instead? I will personally come all the way out there, hunt you down, and smack you upside the head. Just because my legs don't work good doesn't mean I'm weak. I'm solid as a rock and can still pick up my husband. I have gravity on my side, while you are dwindling down to a little bitty wisp. I'm also at least an inch taller than you. So I don't care how many black belts you have, I can take your scrawny ass down in a heartbeat. Then I'll have no patience left as I haul you down the street by your little ear, looking for the first shingle on a door that says "Psych" something, and may throw you through that door and accidentally lock you in with some pervert.


Posted by: k at January 29, 2005 11:56 PM

That was hilarious; I'll be the husbands would want to watch that little show.

I'll talk to someone. Swear.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 30, 2005 12:05 AM

Good girl! (carrot vs. stick)

We don't want those husbands selling ringside tickets and laying off bets with Izzy the Bookie. We'd never hear the end of it. When you're 90 and power-knitting and I'm 94 and bricklaying we'd have to spend our golden years enduring a couple wrinkly old farts going, heh heh heh, ven vas dat day dose vives vere out dere...and Izzy vas...and...Yup! that was something. You still gettin' royalties off that one? better than Social Security any day huh?


Posted by: k at January 30, 2005 03:13 AM

Attila the Hub used to joke about setting me against other men's wives and winning bets with me, but I do not think he had you in mind when he would make that joke.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 30, 2005 03:37 AM

BTW, I can't imagine taking up smoking, given the hold it's had over my spouse, and how difficult it's been for him to stay completely off 'em (he's been mostly clean for two years, and tested clean when we got our life insurance exams--but it's been very tough).

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 30, 2005 03:40 AM

Phew! that's good. You've mentioned it before so I wasn't quite sure if you were joking. Remembering how it was for me to quit the second time still makes my blood run cold.

Of course, the Attila hub has seen me unload semi-trucks, so he should know better. OTOH you didn't say which way he was betting on you - win or lose??


Posted by: k at January 30, 2005 04:49 AM

Against ordinary mortals, win (the "small but scrappy" thing). Against you, I'm sure I'd lose ;)

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 30, 2005 01:43 PM

The Attila Hub is a sensible man. Never fear! I shall only use my powers for good. If I am forced to beat you to a pulp, it's only for your own good.

Posted by: k at January 30, 2005 07:25 PM

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