August 24, 2006

"Um. About That Sex Scene."

"You said he was 'wet.' Didn't you mean 'hard'?"
"No, wet. Precum."
"But precum isn't sexy," another girl interjects.
"Is too! I love precum."
As usual, we all look to the gay guy. "Well, that's a lot of precum, to get her jeans wet that way." Like Solomon in his wisdom.

Posted by Attila Girl at August 24, 2006 12:12 AM | TrackBack

This is like hearing, in detail, about sausage being made.

Posted by: Darrell at August 24, 2006 09:11 AM

I don't know what this is about but I like it.

Is this about a scene in your upcoming (no pun intended) novel?

Posted by: Concho at August 24, 2006 09:24 AM

Get with the program. Check the archives. You are witnessing history in the making. The next, great, American mystery... Destined to set tongues wagging. Destined to set new standards for book sales. Destined to make people forget about the "zipless fuck" and Erica Jong. Destined to make people think our seductress has incontinence issues...

Posted by: Darrell at August 24, 2006 11:46 AM

Hey! It wasn't me. It was my protagonist. Anyway, she was turned on, so that explains that. That and the precum.

Posted by: Attila Girl at August 24, 2006 12:04 PM

How about more samples? Please?

Posted by: chuck at August 24, 2006 08:03 PM

The seductress in the Great American Mystery, of course! Now simply known as "the protagonist." You are a totally separate entity and matter. And I would never question your continence, or countenance, for that matter.

Posted by: Darrell at August 24, 2006 08:05 PM

Damn skippy!

Posted by: Attila Girl at August 24, 2006 10:49 PM

Note, that doesn't preclude me from picturing a 30 to 50 foot "anaconda" on the ground you just trod, following one of your "wild girl" nights at a beach front bar in days gone by... And I wouldn't even think of calling a herpetologist...or Ripley's...or the Vatican. But that's a different subject-a need you didn't know you had. And most American guys expect their goddesses to have their flip-flops planted firmly on the ground, anyway.

Posted by: Darrell at August 25, 2006 12:39 PM

Wow. That was a rich comment. You're like, the Gertrude Stein of blog commenters. You'll recall, of course, that I'm snake-friendly, but lizard-averse.

And I did explain that the line about "pissed a tequila-anaconda the full length of the parking lot" was Joni Mitchell, nicht?

And I reserve the right to throw all my footwear at Sean, if the mood strikes me.

Posted by: Attila Girl at August 25, 2006 11:17 PM

A snake is a snake is a snake. Except when it's painful cattle:Never a lizard.
And I never confuse you with Joni Mitchell.

Posted by: Darrell at August 26, 2006 08:37 AM

Aha! But didn't the snake in the Garden of Eden have legs? That would make it easy to mistake for a lizard, no?

Posted by: Attila Girl at August 26, 2006 11:50 AM

I see you took away all the important points from The Greatest Story Ever Told! I've seen many a girl mistake snakes for lizards and wind up on Jerry Springer or Maury Povich.

Genesis 3:14 And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.
3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Great tie-in with the cattle and flip-flops! You, Madam, are a genius!

BTW, 'primitive" snakes, such as boas and pythons, still show vestigial pelvic bones and anal spurs that represent the remnants of hind legs. Score another one for the Bible...

We shall not talk about Joseph Smith and the White Salamander.

Posted by: Darrell at August 26, 2006 08:24 PM

Laurie Anderson also recorded a song--a very sexy one, called "Langue d'Amour"--that mentions a snake with legs. It appears to re-tell the story of the Garden in such a fashion that the girl ends up falling for the snake:

"She was a hothead; she was a woman in love."

Posted by: Attila Girl at August 26, 2006 10:09 PM

A "hotheaded" woman, eh? Is there any other kind?

Few people know this, but America's first draft of its most famous song included the lyrics "I've been through the desert on the snake with no legs.."

Thanks for the song reference! I'll try and find a place to listen to it. "Because when he talked, he make little noises with his tongue, and his long tongue was lightly licking about his lips. Like there was a fire inside his mouth and the flame would come dancing out of his mouth. And this woman liked this very much. " No sexual imagery there!

Addenda: I found a sampler at Barnes and Noble...A spoken word album? It's been a long time! Kind of grows on you though... When I see lyrics, I try and imagine melodies. I couldn't with this one. And I guess, neither could she.

Posted by: Darrell at August 27, 2006 06:35 AM

Give it a listen, though: that track has music. Actually, the album Mister Heartbreak has a lot of music on it--Adrien Belew appears on it, and as I recall so does Peter Gabriel.

Posted by: Attila Girl at August 27, 2006 07:18 AM

I did sample about a dozen cuts and I did hear the music. It is one of the most unusual and interesting albums I've ever come across in a long time. Thanks for pointing it out for me! I'd like to hear it as a studio album, though, instead of "live." Some of the recitations seem forced done live, because she (they) assume characters. And they don't always "hit' the character in the first beat. Or 53rd. I'll wait to find it a little cheaper, though. B&N had it for $45 or so.

Posted by: Darrell at August 27, 2006 12:09 PM

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