February 09, 2007

Astronaut Diapers.

I'm sorry. I just can't stop thinking about those diapers.

One assumes that they are better than the diapers mere civilians use on their kids. But how much better?--will they really keep pee-pee and poo-poo off one's auto upholstery?

Should civilian toddlers have them? How about civilian seniors, who are stuck using Depends? How about truck drivers? Is this an example of aerospace elitism?

And from a long-distance driving perspective, isn't they useless unless one either has a double gas tank, or a hybrid vehicle? One has to gas up anyway, so why not take an extra two minutes and pee?

Personally, I think one should stop every few hours anyway, even on the relatively short trips I make: 375 miles to the Bay Area, circa 400 to Phoenix, Arizona. I can make it to either location in 5.5 hours as long as I only make a single stop, and treat the speed limits as "living documents."

Fact: my cantankerous grandfather lived in Whittier, but had a cabin in Idyllwild, a few hours away (this was in the 1960s-1970s, before every thoroughfare in SoCal was jammed 24/7, and a virtual parking lot on Friday evenings). One wouldn't think that a drive of a few hours would be so difficult, especially for a man, but he actually drilled a hole in the bottom of his jeep, and attached a hose to it. With a funnel at the end.

Not that I come from a family of sick fucks, or anything like that.

Posted by Attila Girl at February 9, 2007 06:27 AM | TrackBack

We jest, but this is a really important issue when you know you are going to be breathing and bathing in whatever ISN'T contained for the duration of the zero-gravity flight.

The Disposable Absorption Containment Trunk(DACT) for female astronauts is sort of like a pad-type "diaper" system built into a pair of thin bicycle shorts, without the Spandex. Velcro straps assure a tight fit at the thighs. Gel-suspension technology holds the actual waste between several absorptive and nonabsorptive layers for comfort, including a non-woven one-way layer. It is designed primarily for urine collection--although it can handle "unplanned" emissions from other sources. Astronauts are on a schedule for food intake, thus normal bowel movements can be predicted and scheduled, and are intended for the zero-gravity toilets.

Men get their own design, based on gender-related physiology. A roll-on cuff encases the you-know-what, leading into a bag-type structure for urine containment, which can be emptied into the spacecraft's waste containment/processing system. Men get 950cc of capacity vs 900cc for females. The former is about 32oz, if you haven't done the conversion in your head.

A man's prostate enlarges and his bladder capacity decrease with age, starting at about the 50 year-marker. Half-hour trips can become a problem, so give your grandfather a little empathy. Isn't that why they make those juice bottles with the large neck? You know the ones that truckers throw out their windows and you see on the side of the road. And, no. That's not apple juice inside.

Posted by: Darrell at February 9, 2007 01:46 PM

The diapers will help her lawyer when he prepares her insanity defense.

Posted by: John at February 9, 2007 06:47 PM

Astronaut diapers saved the day during STS-57 on June 28, 1993. Nancy Sherlock performed an impromptu plumbing job on the Environmental Control Systems Flight Experiment, a study of wastewater purification equipment that may be used aboard future spacecraft. During the flight, experimenters had seen a reduced flow of water through the device and opted to perform the maintenance procedure. Sherlock loosened a fitting on one water line inside the experiment, wrapped the loose fitting with an absorbent DIAPER, and, using a laptop computer onboard, turned a pump on the experiment into reverse for about 20 minutes in an attempt to flush out the clog.

Posted by: Darrell at February 9, 2007 09:40 PM

Along with my feminist sisters, I'm going to hold my breath until the PATRIARCHAL PHYSIOLOGY of female urination is improved, and we

1) can pee standing up, and
2) have directional control over the fluid dispensing.

If my demands are not met, I'll starting growing out my leg hair again, so help me God.

Posted by: Attila Girl at February 9, 2007 10:11 PM

STS-121 Mission Trivia:

Wake-up calls-
Day 8: "All Star", by Smash Mouth, for Lisa Nowak, from her family.

Title of AOL "Research & Learn" article on Lisa Nowak--"Lisa Nowak: Astronaut on a Mission"

Posted by: Darrell at February 9, 2007 10:18 PM

Would that help? I mean the hair-growing part. Obviously, breath control is always helpful when aiming.

Astronaut diapers can never get into civilian hands because it would spell the end of all male/female communications.

"Stop THAT!"
"You're doing it right now, aren't you?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about"
"You're doing it right now, I can tell by the stupid expression on your face."
"I'm not doing anything. That must be my usual stupid expression."
"You do it every time we talk. It's rude. And borders on sexual harassment! Stop it!"

Take 2--
"You're doing it right now, aren't you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"You are, aren't you?"
"You're sick! You are one sick bastard!"
"I'm not the one doing it."
"I'm not doing anything. Mind your own damn business!"

Guess the genders in those conversations. Word on the street is that they had to add two years to the astronaut training program when women came into the program because of these types of conversations. And that is with highly intelligent, highly educated, goal-dedicated professionals. Just think what would happen if we all wore them every day!

Posted by: Darrell at February 9, 2007 10:44 PM

I like: "I'm not doing anything. That must be my usual stupid expression."

Posted by: Attila Girl at February 10, 2007 09:40 PM

Experience is always the best dialogue coach.

Posted by: Darrell at February 11, 2007 08:32 PM

So I hear . . . ;)

Posted by: Attila Girl at February 11, 2007 08:55 PM

Atilla, Atilla, haven't you learned how yet?

Here: http://www.myvag.net/pee/standing/

Posted by: Desert Cat at February 12, 2007 03:49 PM

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