January 15, 2008

The Male Heterosexual Kink Scale.

So. What are the most common male heterosexual fantasies?

How would you rank these on the pedestrian-to-kinky scale?

a) touching a female breast;
b) touching and otherwise interacting with female genitalia;
c) being in one bed with two women at the same time;
d) fishnet stockings;
e) knee-high boots;
f) watching a woman pleasure herself;
g) sucking from the nipple of a lactating woman;
h) being tied up or otherwise dominated by a woman;
i) watching a woman pee;
j) fucking a girl in the ass;
k) a great manicure on pretty feet—to be examined up close, or possibly with your tongue;
l) the idea of being with a woman because she is very overweight;
m) being with a woman because she has had children, or because she is in her forties and fifties;
n) being with a women because she is past retirement age;
o) stimulation of the male prostate gland.

UPDATE: I've had a request that participants in this very scientifical survey actually use the names of the acts, rather than the letters I've assigned. This will (1) allow discussion of such matters as penetration of the male anus by a woman (using whatever works)—which I forgot to list [now added: see o]—and (2) participation in the discussion by non-engineers.

UPDATE 2: Martin sends the following feedback regarding what's "normal" versus "kinky":

Just one of countless false dichotomies we face every day. Indeed, one could ask a few thousand randomly chosen people to rank acts on a some arbitrary numerical scale, and somehow average the responses.

But the bigger question is wondering what possible use could come from that data.

Which brings us to Martin's third rule of measurement: Do not gather data until after you have decided how you are going to use it.

I can see why that would work for a mathematician—after all, those guys tend to travel light. I'm not sure it would be the correct attitude for a scientist, though, since it would pretty much knock out all basic research in one fell swoop.

Posted by Attila Girl at January 15, 2008 08:36 PM | TrackBack

I'm into backfat, butt cheese, and armhang.

Posted by: ace at January 15, 2008 08:48 PM

What is wrong with you?

Posted by: Hog Beatty at January 15, 2008 09:02 PM

So, Hog--which items on the list hit your buttons?

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 15, 2008 09:06 PM

Reverse j and k, and divorce "because she has children" from "because she is forty or fifty" and you pretty much have my life story up to the age of thirty-four. Glad you reproduced the short list. I wouldn't want to cop to anything embarrassing in a place where every byte lasts an eternity.

Posted by: Darrell at January 15, 2008 09:38 PM

kinky list:

c (i think it would be fun, but I think it would be fun because it's kinky)


h (a little light wrestling with a strong woman rocks! very kinky and quite the turn on, no b&d for me, though)

i, j (i would guess most people would find i and j pretty pedestrian though)


Posted by: Frank Wardley at January 15, 2008 11:15 PM

a, b, c - yawn
d,e, f - yummy
g, j, k, h - whatevah!
i, l, n - ewwwwww!

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at January 16, 2008 06:32 AM

So, what's "kinky"?

Really, not trying to be pedantic, but "kinky" can mean "I think that activity is weird" to "I think that activity is uncommon," which are somewhat different things.

Posted by: Christophe at January 16, 2008 07:18 AM

Answering the question as, "Which activities/fantasies are the most popular among heterosexual men?", I'd rank them as:

b a c f d h j e k i g i m n

In order of most to least common. Of course, I'm a merchant, not a therapist, so I almost certainly have a slightly skewed view. Then again, who doesn't?

Posted by: Christophe at January 16, 2008 07:22 AM

This emerged from an argument with a male het friend who casually tossed out that breast milk was a terribly common fantasy. I had thought it was a bit on the exotic side.

I figured you'd know, if anyone did.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 16, 2008 07:35 AM

My usual way of judging how common a fantasy is among het men is, "How much porn is there that features it?" Of course, that is somewhat biased by the number of performers who exhibit the fetish characteristic and are interested in performing...

Posted by: Christophe at January 16, 2008 07:39 AM

Well. to a normal male consumer of porn there is probably a sampling error--less so with you, given what you do for a living.

Of course, there are certain types of things I haven't seen offered through Blowfish--bestiality and the like. I'm sure there are legal issues involved, there, though.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 16, 2008 08:14 AM

Nothing about having the gal dress up in a wonder woman outfit, tie you up with the lasso and try to shove her invisible plane up your arse?

Not that I would be into that or anything.

Posted by: Thus Spake Ortner at January 16, 2008 10:13 AM

I should have broken bondage out from domination, come to think of it. I guess I see those two as being on a continuum.

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 16, 2008 10:17 AM

And no discussion of midgets and amputees? What are we, Puritans just stepping foot on land after a long voyage on the mayflower?

Posted by: Thus Spake Ortner at January 16, 2008 10:43 AM

It's the short list, remember?

Posted by: Darrell at January 16, 2008 11:59 AM

Good point

ABFCJ, least to most, the others not even a little interested in, with the exception of E on a rare occasion.

Posted by: Thus Spake Ortner at January 16, 2008 12:05 PM

Where's the v-chip for these darn, obscene internets?

Posted by: Sean Hackbarth at January 17, 2008 09:28 PM

Sex sells, forget politics, Attila start a sex blog, more people more men! and your ratings will go up!!

Posted by: azmat Hussain at January 18, 2008 10:17 PM

Oh. I thought this was my sex blog. I hadn't been clear on that?

Posted by: Attila Girl at January 19, 2008 04:31 AM

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