January 27, 2008

The Annual CPAC Fundraising Appeal

It's time to send a starving blogger to CPAC! You can speak up for independent journalism/mindless, aimless verbosity by hitting Joy's PayPal button on the sidebar or below.

Remember: other bloggers put the content out there, and you can read it if you like. Around here, you have to prove you're interested, or I get depressed and go away.

I'd especially encourage you to contribute to this worthy cause—me me me me me—if:

1) You're a modern-day liberal. Money brings out the Marxist in me: that whole Hollywood-Manhattan-San Francisco mindset lurks somewhere in my consciousness, wanting only some dough-re-mi to bring it out;

2) You're a conservative. Never mind what I wrote just above—that's for my high-school friends. Just between us girls, I get more and more conservative when there's money in the bank. It makes me feel grown-up, so I start getting all moral and shit. Next thing you know, I'm watching Lou Dobbs on TV and stuff. I get either all protectionist, or very free market-ey. Take your pick; send me your vote via e-mail, along with the amount of your donation, as I go through this process of rank prostitution economic soul-searching.

3) You're a libertarian. Forget (1) and (2): that's for suck . . . other people. Someone of your discernment should be able to see right past that and understand that in order to fight from the inside, one has to fight from the outside, and the best way to protect the smallest minority from intimidation by the State is with some cold, hard cash. This will lead either to lots of private enterprise, or maybe enhanced property rights. And possibly the smoking of marijuana. And I have guns. Yay!

4) You're not Darrell, who sends me lots of wonderful stuff already. Non-Darrell readers should consider joining the "Gold Circle" of LMA patrons, which confers lot of benefits upon the reader—such as the special, vulgarity-laced Attila Report, chock-full of insightful political analysis, references to heritage rock acts, household hints, and pictures of my body parts.*

Sponsorship Levels, Little Miss Attila:

The Attila Girl Gold Circle—Just send me all your money, and don't stop until I tell you to. If you have disposable income, I have great news!—I know how to dispose of it! Just ask my husband.
The Attila Foundation Corporate Program—A generous contribution of $100 will pay for a single night's stay at CPAC, while I ferret out the truth about which speakers are least boring, and where the best parties are;
The Scimitar of Sensuality—A single contribution of $75 will allow me to actually eat while I'm at CPAC, which will dull the effects of the alcohol but allow me to pace myself while bar-hopping/providing superb coverage of this pivotal election year. Remember: If my blood-alcohol level drops too low, the jihadis have won!;
The Gay Boyfriend Special— For a mere $50, you too can find out why it is that gay men manage to get so close to straight women! Also, I can buy several ham and cheese sandwiches at Beltway prices, thereby supplementing my usual travel diet of lemon-flavored Luna Bars. Not that there's anything wrong with Luna Bars, mind you. They happen to constitute 50% of my caloric intake these days.
The Martini Patron—Thousands of times a year, bloggers are forced to nurse lite beers, looking lovingly over the bar at the bottles of premium gin lined up behind the bartender, and muttering Shakespeare's 29th Sonnet quietly to themselves. You can prevent your favorite blogger from falling prey to the dreadful melancholy that comes from mediocre beer, with your generous contribution of $25.

Make the world a better place. Support citizen journalism. Send me every dollar you can scrape up! Don't you have some old jewelry of your grandmother's tucked into a drawer somewhere that you can sell? Don't be a cheapskate; no one likes cheapskates.

* I'm making that up, but it's okay—after all, I'm making the whole thing up. Unless you people really want some sort of special newsletter, in which case $50 annually could buy you a hell of a lot. But the only body parts you see will be thrilling only to the jihadists among us: a bit of wrist here, an ankle there. Maybe a touch of shoulder on special occasions.

I'm afraid I'm not really a cost-effective source of pr0n. But dang—am I charming!

Posted by Attila Girl at January 27, 2008 12:47 AM | TrackBack

Share photos on twitter with Twitpic "Let the issues be the issue.

About Joy W. McCann: I've been interviewed for Le Monde and mentioned on Fox News. I once did a segment for CNN on "Women and Guns," and this blog is periodically featured on the New York Times' blog list. My writing here has been quoted in California Lawyer. I've appeared on The Glenn and Helen Show. Oh—and Tammy Bruce once bought me breakfast.
My writing has appeared in
The Noise, Handguns, Sports Afield, The American Spectator, and (it's a long story) L.A. Parent. This is my main blog, though I'm also an alumnus of Dean's World, and I help out on the weekends at Right Wing News.
My political philosophy is quite simple: I'm a classical liberal. In our Orwellian times, that makes me a conservative, though one of a decidedly libertarian bent.

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