Cassandra

. . . weighs in (so to speak) on the "gender war" I apparently started when I lost it the other day.

She and do see this differently: I don't have a problem with positive comments about women. Even the ribald remarks don't bother me.

But poking fun at people—even celebrities—for trying to take care of themselves and stay in shape does bother me. That kind of thing has always hit a button: when I was a teenager I knew someone who used to cruise San Vicente Blvd in Santa Monica—where a lot of people run along the grassy median —and make nasty remarks about those who were running or jogging.

And I found it outrageous that someone could make fun of people who were in the very act of trying to improve themselves. It seemed particularly heartless.

When another writer in my workshop wrote about being tempted to judge an obese woman ordering a salad in a restaurant, my jaw just dropped—"what, exactly, was the judgement you were tempted to make?" I asked.

"Oh, it would be something like 'who does she think she's fooling?'"

And my jaw stayed on the floor. I really don't get slamming people who are trying to take care of themselves, whatever the circumstances. It just strikes me as mean.

The positive comments from male bloggers and commenters ("I'd hit it," and the like) are fine. They don't bug me. But saying negative things about people who are trying to do something positive, like getting stronger?

I don't like it. I've never liked it. I'm not going to pretend that I like it. If I'm the only person out there who doesn't like it, that's fine: I still don't like it.

And if I'm the only person who thinks that someone having a SAG card doesn't mean they should incur endless abuse, that's also fine. I wish actors had more privacy than they do, and the fact that there is an entire industry out there based on trying to get unflattering photos of them creeps me out. When anonymous bloggers then post these same photos on the internet, I don't like it.

Yes: I understand that those who make their livings as actors take that risk on, and I'll grant that Madonna has an exhibitionistic streak (less so Sarah Jessica Parker).

But I don't have to like it when people who write publicly, but still go to great lengths to preserve their private identities—such as Ace, Rusty, and their co-bloggers—exploit the fact that those who act for a living are forced to live in a fishbowl. (The normal exception has to be granted for those who do not act, or create, or do much of anything at all: those who are simply "famous for being famous" are not, to my mind, in this class. So you needn't "leave Britney alone," if you are trying observe Joy's idiosyncratic sense of decorum.)

So, yeah: I have a different sensibility on this topic from nearly anyone else.

But Cassie is right. Those who comment on political blogs would do well to remember that they are in a public place, and act accordingly. Or if they do not, they should not be surprised when some don't find the "debates" that go on worth checking out.