March 17, 2008

Speaking of the Madonna/Whore Complex . . .

Ace has decided that McGreevy's wife is a victim of those three-way encounters—and of her ex-husband's and ex-lover's honesty.

So, he pressures his wife into having these gay-sublimation threeways and then he confirms the story to embarrass her further.

Nevermind the kids. They have kids, don't they? He has to put it out there that oh, not only is your dad gay, but mommy was a whore and daddy and mommy used to have "Friday Night Specials" with their driver/hustler?

And yeah, he pressured her, of course. I can't imagine threeways were her idea; women usually aren't agitating for the kinky stuff.

So she's more madonna than whore. Good to know. I do realize that women tend to be idiots, and any overt expression of sexuality makes a woman into a whore . . . but, really. Did Ace show up at TGIF with a mini-cam? How does he know the whole thing was her boyfriend's idea? From what I've read, this whole thing was a three-way relationship for a while, complete with breakfast on Saturday mornings: that's the kind of thing that both members of the "main couple" generally want—or else, the other one sets limits and makes sure it's strictly for playtime.

From my comments over at Ace's digs:

Aw, come on. (1) This NEVER would have come out if she hadn't played all innocent for the sake of the divorce court.

(2) According to the section edited out of his book, she and the driver made the first moves, and McGreevy just joined in.

(3) The idea that a woman who plays around is a "whore" rests on the sexual double-standard.

(4) If my generation survived our own parents' sexual hijinks, then kids are a lot less delicate about sexual matters than people might suppose.

This whole idea that the children are invariably hurt when there is an infidelity really bothers me—it was one thing to say that Hillary Clinton, e.g., was the victim in Bill's philandering. She might or might not have been (depending on what she knew and when she knew it)—but when people start dragging the kids into this and talking about Chelsea as if she were betrayed by her father . . . what, did he swear an oath to be faithful to his DAUGHTER?

I know, I know: infidelities destabilize marriages, and children are hurt by divorce. But that is a matter of the parents(s) [it's usually both] making their own arrangements, and taking that risk. For instance, would you condemn a parent who took on the risk of allowing his/her child to ride a bike, just once, without a helmet? Life is full of risks, and it's the parent who should decide these things.

I just wish we could go back in time to the 1950s and acknowledge that there is a part of life (adult sexuality) that is reserved for grownups. And despite the flawed way adults conduct themselves in these situations, it DOESN'T summarize their abilities as parents. In fact, it may have nothing to do with their parents at all.

Unless we are going to suggest that only perfect people should be allowed to have kids.

Or unless we're going to sit around wringing our hands that the human sexuality is being discussed these days with such casual brutality. In which case . . . well, we've all got blood on our hands. No?

And it's we who should shut up, and stop making society so much less safe for the children.

(I know, I know: this sounds personal. And it is. For all my parents' faults, I don't blame them for how they treated each other while they were married. I blame them for how they treated me: that's much more to the point, isn't it?)

Posted by Attila Girl at March 17, 2008 04:00 PM | TrackBack

I read your other post about the "deadly sins" and Paterson. I thought this remark related some to your point.

"What’s important is for your kids to see you worked them out."

It's about the example they demonstrate. While I agree with some of your premise, I think there are embarrassments and indignities that children suffer when parents make poor choices in their marriage - infidelity being only one of them. Playing it out in the media in lieu of discretion and consideration of their children, is selfish and perhaps narcissistic. Given their positions of power and recognition, they have a different standard to bear than just the average ma and pa who strayed and then dealt with the consequences - more covertly.

Parenting, I believe, involves setting examples such as how to deal with trauma, turmoil and poor choices. And overall that speaks to character of people, married or not.

Posted by: Conservative Belle at March 18, 2008 01:43 AM

Right. But Ace was placing the blame on McGreevy, when it was his wife who started the whole thing by pretending she didn't have any inkling that her husband was gay.

I agree that there is an underlying indecency about the whole thing, and it would be great if those two had gone to mediation, rather than court--especially given their public positions and their obligations as parents.

Posted by: Attila Girl at March 18, 2008 09:07 AM

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