May 11, 2008

It's a MADD, MADD, MADD, MADD World . . .

We gots us an organization that's experiencing "mission creep."

I may start an organization called "Drunks Against Mothers (DAM)."

Or maybe one called "Busybodies Against Fun (BAF)." How about "Hermits Against Nearly Everyone (HANE)"? Or, "WhatEver You Are Doing Must Stop Abruptly, Right Now (WEYADMuSARN)"?

Naturally, I'm just trying to help. If we can stop just one person from being seduced by the logic of the neo-temperence forces, it will have been worth it.

Posted by Attila Girl at May 11, 2008 03:03 AM | TrackBack

Speaking of "Grand Theft Auto", MADD in Wisconsin is pushing a law that would allow the state to confiscate vehicles being driven by someone pulled over for DUI, in the manner of seizure by the DEA. They frighten me.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at May 11, 2008 09:12 AM

That would be those who think spouses of alcoholics should be forced to live not simply in their existing miseries, but under constant threat of losing their transportation / means of earning a livelihood. That makes all the sense in the world: punish the families of alcoholics even more. Hooray!

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 11, 2008 11:19 AM

I've heard horror stories, too, from people who worked for companies that made Breathalyzer units as to how often that small police departments calibrate their units. And how they sterilize mouthpieces and tubing with--get this--isopropyl alcohol.
A pre-schooler could blow a 'home run' (as the police call it) after that. Funny how machines producing a lot of 'home runs' weren't allowed to be touched by the factory reps doing free calibrations. . .

Posted by: Darrell at May 11, 2008 09:01 PM

The rubbing alcohol took me a minute, since I briefly switched into germ-phobic mode. Naturally, that's my first resort for anything I deem too germy for soap and water, or detergent.

If the item is for culinary use, I'll sometimes use inexpensive gin (surprise!).

When I was in college, I got pulled over once. I had had two glasses of wine with dinner, but if I get stopped my fundamental weirdness generally makes any municipal police officer suspicious. (The sheriff's deputies around here are more likely to "get" me.)

I refused the breathalyzer, and the urine test. I figured blood was the only really accurate test. Naturally, it came up clean.

The trick, if you're a weirdo, is not to get stopped in the first place.

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 11, 2008 09:39 PM

Ahh! And there's the rub!

Posted by: Darrell at May 11, 2008 09:44 PM

Btw, I've never gotten stopped for a DUI or any variant. I just believe in science. And accuracy. And fairness.

Ever notice that since testing for parts per trillion has become possible in the last few years they are finding a lot of things in the drinking water? Of course they are! Even the meatball hogie the tech had at lunch if they're not really careful! People worry about so many silly things. Maybe someday States will set alcohol standards at PPT, and the States will wind up with everyone's cars and Al Gore will be really, really happy!

Posted by: Darrell at May 11, 2008 09:53 PM

I think everything will be all right as long as there aren't any micro-organisms in my eyelashes.

And as long as there aren't, in my body, any molecules from either (1) anything dead, or (2) anything that any person or animal ever excreted, from the beginning of Time.

There's no place like home.

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 11, 2008 10:23 PM

Obviously, pretending to drive drunk is a terrible crime against humanity. Just as having a sexual fantasy in which you don't imagine putting on a condom is at-risk behavior.


Posted by: Rin at May 12, 2008 09:42 AM

These people haven't read Civilization and Its Discontents, have they?

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 12, 2008 06:52 PM

My coordination and balance are so bad that I just can't handle those field sobriety tests--even stone cold sober.

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 13, 2008 06:16 AM

Even if you could star in Cirque du Soleil, you might 'fail' those subjective tests. The decision is made within ten seconds of talking with you.

I always take precautions when having a sexual fantasy. I have too many imaginary friends already.

Posted by: Darrell at May 13, 2008 01:45 PM

That was good, BTW ;)

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 14, 2008 01:20 PM

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