May 13, 2008
Okay. I Admit It.
Despite the fact that I've never gotten around to learning the names of all the birds that alight on my balcony here in La Canada, I may miss them after we move: they come in all sizes, from hummingbirds to crows—and everything in between.
At the condo in Glendale we've seen signs of pigeon-proofing all over the railing. Though no actual pigeons. I suppose it isn't pigeon season.
I guess that's part of the Urban Experience: supermarkets within walking distance, and fewer species of birds.
If I play my cards right, my next digs will feature pterodactyls. We shall have to pterodactyl-proof our balcony, lest the beasts get in our way when we grill chicken breasts on hot summer nights.
I would have thought pterodactyls would have been a bigger problem in La Canada, due to its greater distance from The La Brea Tar Pits. Just goes to show me. Better keep some Purina Pterodactyl Chow in your pocket to fling over the balcony in case of an attack. And get John McCain to work on another mythical problem. There's probably a multi-trillion dollar solution to that one too.
Well, it turns out that the pterodactyls are all over the hills; they actually go out as far as Arcadia, where they are really big.
Apparently a lot of the medium-size ones nest in the Angeles National Forest, and that's what worries me. I don't mind the bitty ones--I was, in fact, thinking of putting out some pterodactyl feeders for the sub-foot-long ones--but the biggers ones apparently swoop in and steal the feed. They are reportedly more aggressive about that than squirrels.
And one has to watch out for the teeth, of course. Though I do have experience with Mandy, and I might be able to simply say "no!" or "ouch!" (She respects "ouch" more than "no," because we sound serious when we say it: so my mother has started to say it when she isn't in pain, like when the dog jumps on the new couch.)
I have never tried to train a pterodactyl. But, really: how hard could it be?
Maybe get them to extend their feeding range about 350 miles due northwest. That should take care of a lot of problems.
No can do: too many friends/relatives up there.
Including the second-youngest set of nephews (the nieces/nephews go in clumps: early twenties, college age [Chicago area] the two Bay Area schoolkids, and the baby/baby enroute [in Connecticut]).
I don't know why I flagellate myself over not having had kids: there are plenty of 'em around, after all. I just have to decide which nieces/nephews I need to snooker into taking care of me when I get old.
Maybe I should make it a point to get rich. Then the snooker-ee can cut a better deal in my will, and everyone wins. ;)
"Let the issues be the issue.
About Joy W. McCann: I've been interviewed for Le Monde and mentioned on Fox News. I once did a segment for CNN on "Women and Guns," and this blog is periodically featured on the New York Times' blog list. My writing here has been quoted in California Lawyer. I've appeared on The Glenn and Helen Show. Oh—and Tammy Bruce once bought me breakfast.
My writing has appeared in The Noise, Handguns, Sports Afield, The American Spectator, and (it's a long story) L.A. Parent. This is my main blog, though I'm also an alumnus of Dean's World, and I help out on the weekends at Right Wing News.
My political philosophy is quite simple: I'm a classical liberal. In our Orwellian times, that makes me a conservative, though one of a decidedly libertarian bent.
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