June 02, 2008

Hillary's Secret Weapon!

Giant pillbugs.

I hope McCain has some kind of seven-legged helpmates waiting in the wings . . . Six-legged, though, would be fine. And eight-legged would be excellent. (Yeah: I still let spiders live, even in this small home. Of course, I usually only let one reside in each room, and we have fewer rooms here. And I don't let them onto my computer or my easy chair, because I don't really want 'em crawling on me. But they do eat insects, and they are better than birds or gekkos.

I did have a girlfriend once who kept house gekkos in her little Santa Monica apartment; it was rather awful, because (1) it is unusual when I don't get up to pee in the middle of the night, but at her apartment I had to screw my courage to the sticking point, and carefully step over any shadows that might be hiding lizards. Also: (2) I'm not much of a night person, and being awakened at dawn by lizards who made human-sounding cries was not my idea of a good time.

But she was the brightest, oddest creature I've ever bedded, so there's that. Totally worth it, in case you were wondering.)

(I got the pillbug thing from Memeorandum. D'jou?)

Posted by Attila Girl at June 2, 2008 12:25 AM | TrackBack

It's probably a felony of some kind, or soon will be, to joke about a major presidential candidate being eaten by giant pill bugs.

Still pretty funny, though!

I think, in fact, Hillary may well be a giant pill bug. She'll just pry off her latex mask (like the bad guy on Scooby Doo) and reveal these chittering antennae, and then she'll scoop him up with her reticulated legs and pop him in her mandibles.

If I had a dollar for every time that shit happened to me.... I could buy real estate in southern california!

Posted by: Rin at June 2, 2008 01:42 PM

But she was the brightest, oddest creature I've ever bedded, so there's that. Totally worth it, in case you were wondering.)

Erm. Ok. 2 things. 3, really. Altho 1's not really related to this post.

1. You've been infested with spam on another of your posts. But since you get notification via email of every comment, you probably know this already.

2. Is that supposed to be an emoticon, or are you missing an opening bracket somewhere, or am I reading erroneously?

3. Seriously. I mean, seriously. I'm serious. Not joking, iow. But...
3a(1). When you say 'her' apartment shouldn't that be 'our'? -->
3a(2). When you say bedded, did you mean boinked? -->
3b. Hence, would you say you were bi or just a practicing LUG? (and tellin' your mama that you weren't a lez woulda been a lie, unless'n you said under yer breath '...yet, and not with her') -->
3c. What does AtH think about that, or does he too have some skeletons in his closet? (No, really, a Japanese woman, for instance) -->
3d. When you say brightest and oddest creature wuz u referin' to the girlfriend, or the geckos? I think I'll stop this line of questioning now.

Actually, I'll ask one more. Why the adjective 'oddest'? I gotta tellya, it ain't the first one to pop into my head. Kinky, adventurous, funky, even 'seriously f*ed up shit, man,' but odd? Uh-uh. Even if I wuz boinkin' my own sex, which I won't unless it was maybe Patricia Araujo or Vanity or somethin' and even then...

The shit you think up the hour before Bible Study... oh well, I never pretended to be very righteous of my own self. yeah, I think I'll stop now. Maybe take my meds. Up the dosage. I'm safe, really, honest, I swear...

Posted by: Gregory at June 3, 2008 02:17 AM

1. The spam has been awful lately; I keep up with it as best I can.

2. There was an "open paren" in the middle of a paragraph; that's not a really great thing to do, but I did it. By the time I got around to closing, only English majors and editors remembered it was there.


A. It was her apartment. I was just visiting. I mean "bedded," not boinked. It wasn't about the sex, any more than it would be about the pasta and pinot grigio when I see her now.

B. Well, I consider myself bi, but I also consider myself Christian, and I'm orthodox enough to think that one oughtn't to either be sleeping around or going out of one's way to seek out opportunities with the same sex. I'm not in the "can't help it" category, because I like men, too. So I do have a choice.

My mother was never crazy about my bisexuality, BTW.

C. I suspect that, like most men, A the H is just fine with his wife being theoretically bi. Might even be a feature. I don't know about Japanese women; I just didn't want to find out about prostitutes. He's really only spoken of the highlights in his dating career, so I only know about the other three major girls in his life before me.

I don't know how to describe E. She is quirky, wonderful, ridiculously brilliant. A Christian--in every bit as complicated a way as I am, or as my husband used to be. She may have the most internal contradictions of anyone I know. She is one of my favorite people. I might say "weird," but I mean the good kind of weird.

She is married to the man I used to live with. True story.

She is, FWIW, the person who always defends Paul to me--the one who tells me he wasn't nearly as anti-female as he sometimes comes off in the Gospels. I still have problems with Paul because of his apparent sexism, but E. tells me he's just widely misunderstood.

Posted by: Attila Girl at June 3, 2008 05:25 PM

Spam. Nice in the can, or in the mouth - not so nice on teh intartubes...

Ack! I did read erroneously!

Um, okay, [/steps back warily], yeah, can I just hope that you did all the Sarge Wild and Corp Wooly stuff back before you and she were Christians...

I, uh, have unorthodox sexual tastes, too, (did I mention my sister? No? Maybe I won't then) so, you know. But oh boy, do I hope that I never give in to 'em. I've got enough stuff to try and, er, justify, without loading that on my plate too.

It is a good thing that Christ paid for our sins, isn't it, so that we don't have to carry that burden? :)

PS Something I wanted to add and forgot - but what's with the hate of geckos? They power Netscape, Mozilla, Firefox... ;)

They also eat a whole lotta insects you'd hate even more. Mozzies and roaches come to mind, and so do flies.

We call'em house lizards over here, cause they everywhere. In restaurants, too.

Posted by: Gregory at June 4, 2008 04:51 PM

Gregory, I thought your family was Chinese-American. You actually live in Asia? Are you from here?

Posted by: Attila Girl at June 4, 2008 08:00 PM

No, I'm from Malaysia, born and bred in Borneo (Kuching, Sarawak, if you wanna look it up on Google Earth).

Grandpa on my Dad's side was from mainland China; mother's family is old money in Kuching (but, ma was daughter of daughter of daughter, so, not much old money coming her way, you understand).

Of course, if you have a daughter of or near age, and you think there might be a chance, and you don't mind a Chinese SIL, well, I've always wanted to be an American...

...then again, maybe I'll wait for President F. Dalton Thompson or President P. 'Bobby' Jindal before making any concrete plans. :) I think I'll stay right here in boring old Malaysia if Prez B. Hussein Obama exists. (Sen Obama, not so bad, but Prez J. 'Maverick' McCain doesn't do it for me either)

Posted by: Gregory at June 5, 2008 04:57 PM

You fascinate me, G. Are you living in Malaysia now? You're still in Borneo?

I truly don't want to sound like an "ugly American," but your syntax is so spot-on, it didn't occur to me that you weren't American. I mean, I think I got early on that you were of Asian extraction, but I live in Los Angeles, so . . . everyone who isn't Korean is Vietnamese, and everyone who isn't Vietnamese is Japanese, and everyone who isn't Japanese is Filipino, and everyone who isn't Filipino is Chinese, and everyone who isn't Chinese is Latino, and everyone who isn't any of those things is Jewish. And if you look really hard, once in a while you'll encounter a sort-of Anglo-Saxon like me, only to discover that I've got just about everything in me, too. Except may Asian, but there's that whole theory about Asians and Native Americans really being the same race, and then there's that other theory that we all came from Africa anyway.

So I don't think I realized that (1) you weren't born in this country, or that (2) you aren't living here.

Does that widen any cultural divide between you and the other denizens of AoS? I'm just madly curious.

Posted by: Attila Girl at June 5, 2008 08:34 PM

Yes, I'm still in Malaysia - West Malaysia, anyways. That's why I have odd timestamps. I'm posting from work. :)

But seriously, how could I not sound like an American? Sure, I read Enid Blyton when I was young, but after that came the Hardy Boys, and then David Eddings, and Raymond E Feist, and Tom Clancy, a plethora of Forgotten Realms books, Baen authors, etc etc etc not to mention RDA in MacGyver/StarGate SG1, Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap, The Cosby Show, Full House, etc etc etc...

There's something to be said about bein' a banana, after all - yeller on the outside, but white on the inside. 'course, Old Yeller died in the end, but we'll keep that quiet, won't we? :)

Well, Attila, I don't actually post there much, you know. I'm more of a lurker. Besides, Tushar's fine and dandy where he's at, so I doubt there'd be any major problems. They mostly ignore my inane comments over there... although, if you checked out S Weasel, a moronblogger, I got into a mini flame battle. Started it, really. Terrible language, and not just mine. :P

PS Asian extraction? Please, I'm Chinese :) Probably the only race in the world that will forever call themselves Chinese no matter how many generations removed from the mainland. Except the Taiwanese, but that's understandable.

PPS Cassandra is at it again! :) Her latest post should be good for another 100 posts!

Posted by: Gregory at June 5, 2008 10:30 PM

Cool about Cassandra; in typical form, she didn't let us know through the "back channel"; I'll check it out.

By "Asian extraction," I meant "racially Asian" (or "Mongoloid," as my old 1962 version of the Encyclopedia Brittanica would have it [there were three races, as they saw it: caucasian, mongoloid, and negroid; I don't mind "negroid," but "mongoloid" and "mongolian" drive me up a wall, since one is used for a genetic defect, and the other is used for aggressive people who Did Bad Things to Innocents (like, uh, Attila the Hun did; "Scourge of God," and all that)]).

Anyway, I seem to deeply believe the "three races" hogwash, although it doesn't really account for either American Indians (Native Americans) or Indian Indians.

FWIW, A the H and I are sort of soft-core Asian-o-philes, but he wants Chinese accents when I want Japanese-influenced (sorry!). And I want Indian Buddhas when he wants his to be Cambodian or Vietnamese (and therein lies a story: he loves the Cambodian people, and sees them as akin to the Irish, in a certain way).

Of course, on a business level neither one of us wants to hire anyone to do any artisan-type work around the house who is not Korean, ever again.

But that is only because Chinatown is so far away; to use, it's just a place to buy T'ai Chi slippers and bamboo. We're in Korea-land, out here. (I assume, BTW, that you are familiar with Professor Sowell's comparisons between "the Chinese" and "the Jews.")

Posted by: Attila Girl at June 5, 2008 10:59 PM

Are you kidding? I love Mongols! They're hot hot hot hot hot! ;)

Check this out. (And you might like my Cambodia/Vietnam pix as well).

linky 1

Indian Indians are caucasians. Aryans, at any rate. Not their fault they're Cajun-style caucasians ;)

Aside from the fact that we eat large quantities of pork, and observant-type Orthodox Jews don't, we're practically cousins! Not sure what Thomas Sowell said about us, but he's all right by my book.

- pretty much despised everywhere outside our homeland (No dogs and Chinese allowed in)

- money-minded and born entrepreneurs

- traditionally worshipped One True God (YHWH for the Jews, Shang Ti for the Chinese, and yes, He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob)

- strong family, education and work ethic

See, I think God was doing a study in contrast. We're the most populous people around; the Jews, not so much. Pretty much no neighbours threatens China; yeah, you know what they doing to Israel. Yet they were God's Chosen people, and somehow, they persist and survive millennium upon millennium.

Posted by: Gregory at June 6, 2008 01:32 AM

Let's get back to your sister.

Posted by: Darrell at June 6, 2008 08:22 AM

Bad Darrell. Bad. Bad!

Posted by: Attila Girl at June 6, 2008 06:22 PM

Dear Darrell;

Go check out my linky, and my public albums, of which the one with the family portrait is annotated.

Then come back and tell me my sister isn't reasonably hot. And then consider my father has about 14 siblings, and some of my 50++ cousins are female, and some half of those are hotter.

Why don't we talk about about your sister also? :)

Posted by: Gregory at June 6, 2008 06:34 PM

I would, but I don't have a sister. I was deprived as a child. Still am as an adult.

I was referring to the part when you said

"I, uh, have unorthodox sexual tastes, too, (did I mention my sister? No? Maybe I won't then) so, you know."

Things like that catch my eye. And no disrespect is intended. I saw your album and all the girls look hot. If you are in engineering, you have NO right to be with half that number of girls in your lifetime! What the hell! AND NONE OF THEM ARE INFLATABLE! What the hell again! When I went to college there were only three girls in the whole program and, I think, one of them was inflatable. What is wrong with girls in the US? What is wrong with knowing that 2 to the 31st power is 2147483648 ??? Who can't name the ship that the original settlers arrived on in "Forbidden Planet"? You mean you don't know 1000 words in conversational Klingon?

I got a letter from one of your countrymen today, Richard C.W Choong (General Manager Internal Audit) Maybank Malaysia. He says I may have $10.5 million US coming my way. Perhaps you can collect it for me and I'll give you a 10% handling fee? I just know it is on the up and up.

Posted by: Darrell at June 6, 2008 07:47 PM

None taken, Darrell. I knew exactly what you meant, and I am just trying to justify my, erm, well, you know. My sister, and half of my female cousins, and some of my younger unmarried aunts too.

Of course, I'm not in the engineering line. Most Klingon I know is "Heghlu meh qaq jaghvam!" which no doubt some purist will hammer me for mangling. My take on the matter is if I'm charging at the enemy with a bat'leth shouting this phrase ain't nobody gonna care if I screw it up.

Ah, the old Nigerian 419 scams, don't you just love'em? Strangely enough, (well, of course they should do some prelim research), there *was* a Richard *Chang* in Internal Audit over at Maybank.

I actually work in events organising, and I've only got a small selection of photos up there.

Posted by: Gregory at June 8, 2008 10:34 PM

Your are a lucky guy!
Say "Hi" to Linia for me.

Posted by: Darrell at June 8, 2008 10:53 PM

I wonder how inflatable girls do on some of those engineering exams.

I'll have you know that I know nine digits of Pi--an extraordinary number for an English major.

And I do know one Klingon proverb.

Posted by: Attila Girl at June 9, 2008 02:13 AM

Do you know, I only noticed the checkerboard pattern in the comment box on my screen now? It always appeared all white to me. Was this planned, Attila?

Who needs 9 digits of pi? 3.14142 or whatever is enough for me. Heck, make it 22/7, good enough ball park, as lonmg as it isn't rounded off to 3 is good enough. :)

Posted by: Gregory at June 9, 2008 03:40 AM

"I wonder how inflatable girls do on some of those engineering exams."

They did quite well actually. I suspect that some guys were doing their assignments, and the instructors were blinded by the glow. They were treated like rock stars, you know. The supplicants gathered around every day when they held court in the cafeteria. I missed some of it, being occupied cleaning the gunk out of their radiators and oil pans. They were kind enough to sometimes even remember my name.

Posted by: Darrell at June 9, 2008 09:28 AM

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