July 07, 2008

I'm Still Around, But I'm Sick.

So between my head cold and a slight case of clientitis, blogging may be bogged down for a couple of days.

What I'm doing at this moment is watching an insane amount of Star Trek over the web, in an attempt to fill in one of my educational lacunae (as W.F. Buckley would have put it).

I don't know if anyone's noticed this, but William Shatner is . . . I mean, he looks young. Did they do that with makeup? Soft lighting? He looks like jailbait or something.

Posted by Attila Girl at July 7, 2008 02:21 AM | TrackBack

You will probably need a copy of the Star Fleet Technical Manual. It has the full text of the organizing documents of the United Federation of Planets, the study of which will also help make sense of Al Gore's 2000 campaign.

The exercises below will establish whether you are sufficiently immersed to be considered a Trekkie:

1) Pay careful attention to the manner and frequency with which Capt. James T. Kirk routinely breaches the Prime Directive. Name 4 such episodes.

2) Ponder the metaphysics of the transporter--was the transported person destroyed in the process and a duplicate person reconstructed at the planet's surface? Identify episodes in which transporter incidents figure prominently.

3) Compare and contrast Vulcan and Klingon political philosophy as it applies to legitimacy of governing institutions. In particular, identify the main precepts of Surak and Kahless.

4) What is the Curse of the red Star Fleet Uniform?

5) Compare and contrast your own version of and grip on reality with that of alternate juror number 4 in the 1996 Whitewater trial.

6) Is there a First Amendment Right under United Federation rule pursuant to the Prime Directive?


Posted by: George Tobin at July 7, 2008 10:56 AM

I think the Red Shirt thing is oversold: e.g., the first few episodes feature dead guys in blue uniforms, and Scottie wore any number of red shirts without incident.

What bothers me is that whenever Kirk is duplicated, we never see him next to himself, in the same frame. Why didn't they do that? It seems careless.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 7, 2008 11:29 AM

You have to realize that the special effects/sets budget for the original Start Trek for the entire season was probably less than the budget for any one episode of Star Trek Next Generation. Not to mention the fact that 1965 technology was, well, 1965 technology.

I am more impressed by Gene Roddenberry's visionary insight that women of the future will all happily flit about in very short miniskirt uniforms. It is noteworthy that there are no fat chicks by the year 2266 but still a lot of paunchy older guys.

...Ah to be an old guy in the Star Trek future..some Sorian brandy, a near infinite energy supply, a replicator and babes... "Computer, dim lights, begin Barry White sequence 2"....."Bridge,..Mr. Sulu, plot a course for Hefner 4...."

Posted by: George Tobin at July 8, 2008 09:11 AM

The "yoeman" do. Above a certain rank, women may or may not be permitted to wear actual clothes. Officers wear actual clothing, when they show up.

But the miniskirt thing is bound to seem just a smidge impractical, those matching brief-style panties notwithstanding.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 8, 2008 09:43 AM

Your education will really begin when you watch every episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation." You are still in Junior High.

Posted by: Darrell at July 8, 2008 08:03 PM

You haven't seen the Turkish version of TOS yet, then, Attila. 'Uhura''s ass is showing half the time there. :)

But TNG? DS9 for my money. TNG's too lefty for my liking. It's only the Borg that make life interesting.

Of course, Enterprise has T'Pol. Mm. I hope she's not lezzie...

Posted by: Gregory at July 8, 2008 08:22 PM

All Greek to me, of course--but what did they do for the Turkish TOS?--P-shop out those dreadful oversize panties that (of course) show whenever a female crewmember takes a tumble? Actually show Uhuru's ass in its (apparently rather magnificent) glory?

I'm not sure that it's the sheer silliness of the miniskirts that bother me, though there is that. It's the idea of women in the future having to wear briefs rather than bikinis, and the BARBARIC notion of women having to wear pantyhose in space. Blech.

But, yeah--If they'd cut out the leg show, they might have had to cut out the shoulder-show, and stop ripping Kirk's shirt up/off in every episode. Next thing you know, one is attempting to sell a series based on plot/good writing alone, without any sex appeal at all. That isn't where the smart money is . . .

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 8, 2008 08:38 PM

"Of course, Enterprise has T'Pol. Mm. I hope she's not lezzie..."

Now you've completely destroyed your credibility. I dream that she is. I like to have common interests with my TV crushes.

Posted by: Darrell at July 8, 2008 09:01 PM


Posted by: Attila Girl at July 8, 2008 09:16 PM

You're talking about Jolene Blalock, Darrell... I'm talking about T'Pol, Vulcan woman. You know, logical? Which is kinda an oxymoron (logical woman, i.e.), but anyways...

Besides, bi is better, man.


They don't actually dub the show into Turkish, Attila. They use different actors (Turks, one presumes), but otherwise infringe on Paramount's IP the whole way.

Apparently they didn't copy the panties, leaving 'Uhura' hangin', so to speak.


As for storyline? Firefly. 'nuff said.

Posted by: Gregory at July 9, 2008 10:24 PM

T'Pol, Vulcan woman. You know, logical? Which is kinda an oxymoron (logical woman, i.e.), but anyways...

I am crossing my arms and raising my eyebrows in exactly the way you're expecting me to.

I think you know the look, Gregory.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 9, 2008 10:44 PM

Hey, trolling's hard work!

Anyways, always liked my women hot and riled up...

But good to know you're feeling much better.


Posted by: Gregory at July 10, 2008 12:22 AM

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