I was never indicted for the Tokyo incident, The New Zealand event was over blown in the press and although I was expelled from France the State Department never disavowed my actions. Hardly the actions of a confirmed alcoholic.

The Dutchman is a disgrace to all alcoholics, talk about leading a life of noisy desperation. The Tokyo Incident occurred when he terrorized a tourist group at the Bradley Terminal at LAX trying to catch a connecting flight to Chicago. The Dutchman noted that we had a similar sounding city in the mid west and how his Uncle had picked off a few of their type on Okinawa, in 68.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle a bloated container of hot water! I got nothing.

But for crying out loud, don't visit Australia. You'd be convinced that you could drink a whole bottle of Swing and nothing would happen to you*

*except you'd sing a bit louder at the pub crawl**

**so-called because while you started out upright, you'd be crawling by the end of the night.***

***never could survive more than 7 pubs and 6 pints.

Was I unclear? It's just that the U.S. has what is either a Puritanical fear of or a healthy respect for alcohol; so behaviors that are considered definitely over the line here seem more ambigous in Australia, N.Z., Japan, and Europe. Oh, and Canada.

I've therefore always admonished any U.S. Bowery bums who asked me, that they should not try to keep up with Asians, Kiwis, Canucks, Euros, or anyone else when it comes to drinking.

Of course, D, I never saw you and you-know-who in action . . .

7 pubs and 6 pints

Crikey, mate, is that all? around here, I call that breakfast.

Well, you know after that little session I started getting a bit woozy, so I thought I should cut myself off before I started getting really drunk. The laws on drunk driving are fairly tough over there, ya know?

And I cry foul. 3.4 litres of beer is a shitload of liquid breakfast to carry around without pissing all over yourself.

;)