I Guess I Was Too Subtle.

Look, Kids. I know you're a bit disconcerted by the Palin pick, but please don't be. Obama had a nice talk with Ted Kennedy today,* and Kennedy reassured him that faling to secure the Presidency of the U.S. and having to go back to the upper House Chamber with your tail between your legs is not the end of the world.

"But man," Obama said. "I'm gonna feel like such a loser."

There was an awkward silence. "I mean," Barack amended, "since I'm unlikely to be able to ever rival your legislative achievements. It's different for me: I guess I really thought I was Superman. You know: 'I want to fly, but I can't even swim . . .'"

Kennedy hung up on him then, unfortunately.

But I felt that this whole "Palin Faked a Pregnancy" thing was just a bit silly, and I think I made that clear.

Please, though. I beg of you—especially those of you who are friends of mine, and starting to sip at this Kool-Aid—don't make asses of yourselves.

1) Statistically speaking, teenagers don't have babies with Down's. Middle-aged women have babies with Down's.

2) It makes sense that a woman who had been pregnant four times might be carrying a little low.

3) A veteran of four pregnancies would be an expert at hiding it. If she were Governor of a state, she might be motivated to do that until the last possible moment, so as not to let it interfere with her duties.

4) Had the teenager carried the baby, it would have been more likely that the solution would have been adoption, rather than the old-fashioned (and perfectly acceptable) system of having the grandparents step in to fill the void.

5) It is possible for a woman to hide a pregnancy by becoming heavy. For instance, Dorothy L. Sayers did it, back when an unwed birth was a huge, insurmountable scandal—but that much weight doesn't come off so quickly. Sayers, for example, was heavy the rest of her life. Have you seen any pictures of Palin lately? Have you seen the pictures of her in her third trimester with her last child? How does one lose that much weight that quickly?—giving birth comes to mind.

6) Let's say this whole thing were true: Palin faked a pregnancy and offered, along with her husband, to raise her granddaughter as her own. This involved massive inconvenience, and some fibbing. Um . . . so?

7) Let's say this whole thing were true. That would mean that Palin had a teenager who made a mistake, and took an unwise risk. That would make the girl different from other teenagers . . . how? And it would mean that the family got together and helped one of their own out of a jam. That would make Sarah look bad?

I'm tryin' to help you out here: this manufactured "scandal" is helping you not at all.

So, here we go, I guess. I grabbed these from Right Wing News, but you can find 'em all over the web. Palin, February of this year:

Palin, March of this year:

Please put the tinfoil down and step away from the Internet.

* It's possible that either this conversation never occurred, or that the transcripts I have for it aren't 100% correct. Or both.