October 10, 2008

Harvey Finally Gets a Vote!

Thank you, ACORN!

Iowahawk has the story:

ST. LOUIS - Attorneys for the voting registration organizations ACORN and Project Vote filed an anti-discrimination voting rights suit in the U.S. Federal District court this morning, alleging the United States government is involved in "a widespread, systematic effort to disenfranchise Imaginary-Americans and deprive them of access to polls."

"Participation in our electoral process is a fundamental right, and the foundation of our democracy," said ASDF ASDFG, a spokesperson for the National Association for the Advancement of Imaginary People, one of the groups named as plaintiffs in the class action. "We will not be silent when government denies people access to the polls on the basis of color, or sex, or existential status."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

In Cleveland, Ohio Republican officials complained to the Federal Election Commission after early-voting sites barred observers when thousands of Invisible-Ohioans arrived at the polls aboard hundreds of invisible ACORN buses. In Ida Grove, Iowa, Ida County Registrar Debby Ballard expressed concern when a convoy of Chicago ACORN semis submitted 4,000,000 provisional ballots, 17 seconds before a 5 pm deadline.

"I'm proud that Ida County can boast of a 114,312% voter registration rate, but I'm not sure if I can get all of them processed by Monday," said Ballard. "I've got a pilates class in Sioux City."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

After consultation with attorneys . . . . . ACORN -- which has received $800,000 from the Obama campaign for registration efforts -- filed a suit claiming the increased legal scrutiny was driven by a political agenda. Amicus briefs were added from several Imaginary Rights groups, adding civil rights violations to the list of complaints.

"Whether we are obituary notices, hallucinatory giant rabbits, or strings of random keyboard strokes, it's time for the chimera community to stand up and claim our rights as citizens," said ASDFG. "We will no longer be silent and invisible. Okay, maybe invisible."

In addition to $3.2 jubajillion in damages and free federal mortgages for homeless spectres, the suit also seeks enforcement of the Americans with Dimensional Disabilities Act. The Act requires voting places to make accommodations for existentially-challenged voters who have trouble completing ballots written in standard 3-dimensional reality. The accommodations include multiple site registration, time travel, and allowances for alcoholics to cast ballots for dependent D.T. phantasms.

"Many of our community inhabit the Tapioca subluster of the 11th Dimension, and it's hard for them to find a convenient spacehole to make it to the local elementary school," explained ASDFG.

I had no idea that the rates of disenfranchisement were so great among Imaginary Americans. It just breaks my heart that this has been going on for so long . . .

Perhaps I should register the characters from my stories and books; they should also be afforded the opportunity to be heard. And, of course, the voices in my head. Plus, the imaginary colleagues I blame when I blow deadlines. Also, our imaginary housekeeper, who is always behind on the dusting, dishwashing, and grocery shopping.

Posted by Attila Girl at October 10, 2008 01:14 AM | TrackBack
Comments

I am pretty sure that your imaginary housekeeper is not just an Imaginary-American, but an Illegal Alien Imaginary-American. I certainly hope you don't plan to have her try to vote!

David

Posted by: David at October 10, 2008 07:32 AM


Thanks again for a great laugh.

Posted by: Sherry at October 10, 2008 08:22 AM


As usual imaginary people are getting all the attention! What about Dutch, Melchiore Velouche, Hiram Basalt, Bob Lavideo, Hector Gaspe, Eve and all the other personalities I have that don't emerge unless I'm asleep or otherwise intoxicated, don't they get to vote? Actually Eve isn't really a separate personality just a fun place we go on Saturday night.

Posted by: Sejanus at October 10, 2008 04:53 PM




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