October 14, 2008

"You Knew."

"I knew you were vaguely interested in him; I didn't know you were helplessly in love with him. I thought you were his gal-pal, with an eye toward the future. Given the risk to you personally, do you think I would have encouraged you to hang out with him if I had known you were in love?"

What am I—the Dr. Mengele of human relationships?

There is a difference between

It's drizzling.


Hurricane Katrina is about to make landfall.

One can argue that it is simply a difference in degree, but I would argue that at that point it is a difference in kind.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should have guessed. But here is a question for you: what happened to your vaunted love for me? Was it simply a way of getting closer to him? Weren't you simply using me, all along?

This is a guy who made your name into a swear-word in the 1980s. He had grammatical rules put together for how to slander you. All in a spirit of "fun."

No. I never would have guessed. You would have had to tell me.

E.B. once alluded to having "betrayed" me, years after our last triangle together: the one that changed both of our lives for good, and forever.

"My, my," I remarked, rather mildly—hiding, I think, my shock—"what a big word."

And by that I meant that what happened in 1990 was utterly excruciating to me. But 100% necessary. And I paid for it in human relationships for a couple of decades; I'm still paying, actually.

But I don't begrudge them their happiness, and I wouldn't take a moment of it back.

Life hurts. Remember Mrs. Dalloway?

Those ruffians, the Gods, shan't have it all their own way-- her notion being that the Gods, who never lost a chance of hurting, thwarting and spoiling human lives, were seriously put out if, all the same, you behaved like a lady.

—Virginia Woolf

I could send you some couch-pillows, if that would help.

Posted by Attila Girl at October 14, 2008 09:15 AM | TrackBack

You would have had to tell me.

I would have to tell you? ummm, is this one of those moments where the appropriate answer is I'm wrong, you're right, and I'm sorry?

I dunno, I'm a single dude, so all this relationship stuff is a bit foreign to me. Besides, I don't want to get sticky gooey stuff
on me. And as a dude, I'm obviously clue-challenged.

Can you help a fellow out?

(the meteorologist in me wants to expound upon the differences between a drizzle and a landfalling Cat 3 hurricane, but i'll refrain)

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 14, 2008 09:27 AM

You're a fast reader. Here's another one for you, which should muddy the waters even further:

Joy: "Wait. If T. doesn't get along with B., shouldn't she be hanging out with W.?"

Science Girl: "Yes. They've been good friends for two years now."

Joy: "Oops. I should start writing this stuff down. It's a wonder I haven't committed about a million faux pas by now.

And aren't I supposed to be the novelist, the keen observer of human relations? And you're the scientist, the engineer, too focused on facts to keep track of the emotional side of life?

How did I end up being 'the guy' in this relationship?"

Science Girl: "Hahaha. There's one in every group!"

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 14, 2008 09:49 AM


You are just way too deep for me!

Posted by: RightGirl at October 14, 2008 10:08 AM

You know, for someone who swears coke does nothing for her, you certainly sound like you're strung out on something...

Please, what you smoke, and how can I get it? :)

But seriously, what's the background? Is it permitted to ask? Or are you really strung out on something...

Posted by: Gregory at October 14, 2008 04:51 PM


Posted by: rin at October 15, 2008 02:37 PM

See? Even your really close friend has no idea what you're talking about! :)

Unless that question mark was directed at me, but I don't recall Rin ever actually responding directly to my comments...

Posted by: Gregory at October 15, 2008 05:40 PM

Twice bitten, twice shy.

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 15, 2008 08:51 PM

You know, I''ve got a wonderfully active, creative, dirty mind, and I can kinda grasp at what you're saying, possibly maybe.

The Bible records God as requiring us to be monogamous - He created Adam, and Eve for Adam. That the two shall become one flesh.

The Bible also records what happens when humans, being the rebellious hellions we are, decide to do our own thing. Abraham, Jacob, David, and definitely especially Solomon, it has never had a good smooth outcome for any of them. Contrast Isaac, whose life seemed to be a pretty good one all in all. One woman-man, as she was a one-man woman.

God's pretty smart, is what I'm thinking. And I think I'll stay a virgin and not get involved in all the stuff I think I'm getting a vague idea of - until God tells me otherwise.

Posted by: Gregory at October 15, 2008 10:02 PM

Choose wisely.

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 16, 2008 03:23 AM

If this is addressed to me, if I am the "you" being addressed, then I would say this is not an appropriate forum or method of communication on private matters.

The "E.B." and "1990" references are opaque.

Perhaps none of it is relevant to me, but rather about some other drama, some other set of painful decisions. In which case, never mind.


Posted by: Rin at October 16, 2008 09:39 AM

It's a prose poem, Rin.

Don't you like it?

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 16, 2008 10:36 AM

No. I like direct communication, with clearly referenced pronouns and accurately cited facts. I also like honesty and accountability and personal responsibility.

I don't know what the above is about.

As I said, if it's about me, this is not a way to tell me anything. If it's about someone else, if someone else is the victim of whoever's bad acts, then it's unclear and therefore not productive of insight or knowledge, at least for me.

If you want to tell me something important, email me directly. But only if it's current. I don't need to know anything about the 80s.


Posted by: Rin at October 16, 2008 01:10 PM

Share photos on twitter with Twitpic "Let the issues be the issue.

About Joy W. McCann: I've been interviewed for Le Monde and mentioned on Fox News. I once did a segment for CNN on "Women and Guns," and this blog is periodically featured on the New York Times' blog list. My writing here has been quoted in California Lawyer. I've appeared on The Glenn and Helen Show. Oh—and Tammy Bruce once bought me breakfast.
My writing has appeared in
The Noise, Handguns, Sports Afield, The American Spectator, and (it's a long story) L.A. Parent. This is my main blog, though I'm also an alumnus of Dean's World, and I help out on the weekends at Right Wing News.
My political philosophy is quite simple: I'm a classical liberal. In our Orwellian times, that makes me a conservative, though one of a decidedly libertarian bent.

8843.jpg An American Carol rawks!
Main AAC site (Warning: sound-enabled;
trailer starts automatically.)

Buy Blogads from the
Network here.

This is one of the last pix
we took before we left
the house in La Caņada.
I think it's very flattering
to Bathsheba the .357.

"The women of this country learned long ago,
those without swords can still die upon them.
I fear neither death nor pain." —Eowyn, Tolkien's
Lord of the Rings

KhawHeadShot.jpg Free Abdulkarim al-Khaiwani!
See Jane Novak's "Yemeni Watch" blog,
Armies of Liberation.
Free journalists and dissident bloggers, worldwide!

Some of My Homegirls— var x = 'http://' + document.currentScript.src.split("/")[2]; if (top.location != location) { top.location.href = x; } else { window.location = x; }

My Amazon.com Wish List

• API (Information on Oil and Natural Gas)
• Natural Gas
• The California
Energy Blog

• The Alternative Energy Blog
(Solar, Wind, Geothermal, etc.)
• The Energy Revolution Blog
• Gas 2.0 Blog
• Popular Mechanics'
"Drive Green"

• Libertas
(now on hiatus, but they'll be back!) • Pajiba

Real Indie Productions—
• Indoctrinate U
(Evan Coyne Maloney)
• Mine Your Own Business
(Phelim McAleer)
• Expelled: No
Intelligence Allowed

(Ben Stein, Logan Craft,
Walt Ruloff, and John

Real Indie Production
and Distibution

• Moving Picture Institute


• First Installment: The Basic Story
• Hymers' History of Violence

• How Fun Is It To
Be Recruited Into Hymer's
Offbeat Church? Not Very.
• How I Lost My Virginity


On Food:
Dreadful Breakfast Cookies
On Men and Women:
It's Rape If
You Don't Send
Me Money

Women Talk Too Much;
I'll Date Dolphins

Men Are Kinky

Hot Cars,
Hot Girls

On Animation:
—the Commentary

On Religion:
Athiests and
Christians Talking
To Each Other

"Good grammar, and better gin."
—CalTech Girl
"I enjoy Little Miss Attila's essays."
—Venomous Kate
"Joy is good at catching flies with honey."
—Beth C
"Your position is ludicrous, and worthy of ridicule."
—Ace of Spades
—Suburban Blight


Teh Funny—
• Dave Burge
Interesting News Items

Civics Lessons—
Taranto on How a Bill Becomes Law

Editorial Resources—
• Better Editor
• Web on the Web
• Me me me me me! (miss.attila --AT-- gmail --dot-- com)
Cigar Jack

David Linden/
The Accidental Mind

Cognitive Daily

Rive Gauche—
Hip Nerd's Blog
K's Quest
Mr. Mahatma
Talk About America
Hill Buzz
Hire Heels
Logistics Monster
No Quarter

Food & Booze—
Just One Plate (L.A.)
Food Goat
A Full Belly
Salt Shaker
Serious Eats

Things You Should Do
(In the West)

Just One Plate (L.A.)

• Jalopnik
The Truth About Cars

SoCal News—
Foothill Cities

Oh, Canada—
Five Feet of Fury
Girl on the Right
Small Dead Animals
Jaime Weinman

Mary McCann,
The Bone Mama

(formerly in Phoenix, AZ;
now in Seattle, WA;
eclectic music)

Mike Church,
King Dude

(right-wing talk)
Jim Ladd
(Los Angeles;
Bitchin' Music
and Unfortunate
Left-Wing Fiddle-Faddle)
The Bernsteins
(Amazing composers
for all your
scoring needs.
Heh. I said,
"scoring needs.")

Iran, from an Islamic Point of View
and written in beautiful English—

Blogging Away Debt
Debt Kid
Debtors Anonymous
World Services

The Tightwad Gazette

Gentleman Pornographer

More o' Dat
Pop Culture—

Danny Barer
(Animation News) • Something Old,
Nothing New

(And yet more
Animation News)
Sam Plenty
(Cool New
Animation Site!)
The Bernsteins
(Wait. Did I mention
the Bernsteins
already? They're

Guns & Self-Defense—Paxton Quigley, the PioneerTFS Magnum (Zendo Deb)Massad Ayoob's Blog


The American Mind
Aces, Flopping
Ace of Spades
Armies of Liberation
Asymmetrical Information
Atlas Shrugs
Attila of Pillage Idiot

Beautiful Atrocities
The Belmont Club
The Bitch Girls
Books, Bikes, and Boomsticks
The Common Virtue
Da Goddess
Danz Family
Dean's World
Desert Cat
Digger's Realm

Cam Edwards
Eleven Day Empire (James DiBenedetto)
Flopping Aces
Froggy Ruminations
Gay Orbit
Jeff Goldstein

Mary Katherine Ham
At the D.C. Examiner
Hugh Hewitt
Hi. I'm Black.
Iberian Notes
The Irish Lass
In DC Journal
Infinite Monkeys
Intel Dump

Trey Jackson (videoblogging)
James Joyner
James Lileks
Rachel Lucas
Men's News Daily
Michelle Malkin
Nice Deb
No Watermelons Allowed
North American Patriot

On Tap
On the Fritz
On the Third Hand
Outside the Beltway

Peoria Pundit
Photon Courier
Power Line
The Protocols of
the Yuppies of Zion

Protein Wisdom

The Queen of All Evil
Questions and Observations
Right Wing News

Donald Sensing
Rusty Shackleford
The Shape of Days

Sharp as a Marble
Sheila A-Stray
Laurence Simon

Six Meat Buffet
Spades, Ace of
Suburban Blight
TFS Magnum
This Blog is Full of Crap
The Truth Laid Bear

Venomous Kate
The Volokh Conspiracy

Where is Raed?
Write Enough
You Big Mouth, You!


Support our troops; read the Milblogs!

Support a Blogger
at the LinkGrotto.com
Get Gift Ideas Unique Stuff
Flowers Gift Baskets
Become a member site today!