November 16, 2008

Dating Advice . . .

From R. Stacy McCain:

Marriage is a great deal for men, much better than being single, provided you get the right woman. The whole point of dating is to find that one woman. But young men are so damned superficial and selfish nowadays, and caught in a passive-aggressive loop, alternating between callous womanizing and self-pity.

Good women are much easier to find than good men. Over the years in Washington, I'd meet nice young single women and think, "Wow, I really ought to try to introduce her to a nice guy." And then I'd realize, "Wait a minute -- this is Washington, DC. There are no nice guys here."

Guys, let me give you a clue: Your low self-esteem is poisoning the well. You figure that any girl who actually likes you must be a desperate loser. So you ignore or disparage the women who are actually available, while chasing after women who hate you. You are only interested in super-beautiful women, because having a super-beautiful woman validates your own attractiveness. And yet you become angry at her demand that you bring something to the table to validate her.

Do you see the self-defeating vicious cycle you're setting up for yourself? Try this: Just forget about looks. Hang out with some fat chicks and try to learn to enjoy women as human beings, rather than as status symbols or as a means to an end.

Posted by Attila Girl at November 16, 2008 11:05 PM | TrackBack

Thanks for your opinion, good luck on changing human nature.

Posted by: Sejanus at November 17, 2008 02:16 AM

provided you get the right woman

Well, there's always a catch, isn't there.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 17, 2008 07:49 AM

hang out with some fat chicks

In other words, teach yourself to not be a superficial douchenozzle by deliberately choosing friends based on a superficial physical attribute.


Posted by: apotheosis at November 17, 2008 09:35 AM

Posted by: Mikal at November 17, 2008 11:05 AM

It's never been easier. Show them your "Sarah Palin 2012" button and exclude any woman that doesn't think it's a great idea.

Posted by: Darrell at November 17, 2008 01:19 PM

I have a theory that explains this.

Guys can be divided into two groups: Gentlemen and assholes. They can be distinguished by this characteristic: Gentlemen care if they offend someone, whereas assholes do not. Gentlemen will only come on to women when they know their advance is welcome. Assholes come on to everything in a skirt.

Add to this the modern female habit of treating every unwanted advance as grounds for offense, and what do you get? Gentlemen looking for certainty before they approach a woman, and assholes still coming onto everything in a skirt.

Ladies, if you're wondering why all of the men who come on to you are assholes, it's because the gentleman who might be interested can't tell if his interest in you is welcome or not. He's not going to approach you while there remains any reasonable doubt.

Posted by: John at November 17, 2008 05:32 PM

"...young men are so damned superficial and selfish nowadays..."

Yet young men are paragons of intellectual and emotional depth and selfless generosity compared to their female counterparts. For example, universities aren't coddling men with Men's Centers and Men's Studies programs are they now? And if you leave your car's lights on in a parking lot and upon your return the car's battery is dead, the angel who sees you standing there with jumper cables and the car's hood open and steps up to you, a stranger, to offer you a jump to get you on your way home is very, very likely to be a man, not a woman.

"...and caught in a passive-aggressive loop..."

Being passive-aggressive is a signature female behavior. If noticeable numbers of young men are behaving that way around you, that's evidence of the feminization of the culture and the pressure on today's young men to behave like girls.

"...alternating between callous womanizing and self-pity."

I disagree. To be seeing a lot of "callous womanizing," R. Stacy McCain is only looking at that ten percent of high-status young men that 90% of the young women are chasing. As George Gilder noted in Men and Marriage the typical young single man has less than half as much sexual activity as the typical single female. If that puzzles you, think again about that 90% chasing the 10% and how most young men are sexually invisible to most of the young women.

By the way, there's no word for the counterpart bag 'im, bed 'im, boot 'im out behavior of young women, is there? Because only the word "womanizing" exists, a lazy thinker concludes that women are always victims and men are always villians. Not so.

"...Hang out with some fat chicks..."

Ha ha, that was said by somebody who has no intention of marrying a "fat chick," I'll bet. Here's the inside scoop: most of the "fat chicks" are among the 90% of young women who have eyes only for ten percent of the young men, even "fat chicks" take for granted that they can "demand that (the young man) bring something to the table to validate her." Well, R. Stacy McCain, only a man with crashingly low self-esteem would believe that his role in life is to "validate" a female (regardless of her weight). Consider Darrell's remark about using reactions to a Palin 2012 button to gauge the datability of females. Much of what makes Gov. Sarah Palin such an exciting personality to so many men is that they can see she's not an emotionally needy damsel who expects every man "to validate her." Also, as John (05:32 PM) pointed out, Ms. Validate-Me's behavior attracts and reinforces the behavior of the "superficial" sort she claims she doesn't want while driving away the young gentlemen she says she prefers. Actions speak louder than words. Look at what women are saying loudest. Most young men are; is R. Stacy McCain?

If anyone who still finds the behavior of young men a mystery after reviewing the huge deposit of clues the other commenters have left here, I highly recommend Dr. Warren Farrell's landmark book, Why Men Are the Way They Are.

Posted by: Micha Elyi at November 17, 2008 06:13 PM

Why offer the jump cables? Because I was brought up to be polite and chivalrous, blast it!

Although, my skin is fairly thick, so really, I'm a gentleman asshole, if there exists such a creature. At least, a generally polite one.

I don't think the female sex gets as thorough an education on how to be polite and self-controlled as the male sex does.

Posted by: Gregory at November 17, 2008 08:19 PM

I really wanted to comment on this one because women like to tell men that we are "bad" because we like to have an attractive female. What is always left out is the vast majority of women that are looking for "Mr. Rich". "I will not date a man unless he makes $100,000 a year or he comes from a rich family." This is something that is out there and affects men who are good men that are simply looking for that "good woman".

I submit that the gold digging is much more likely and damaging than what men do.

Posted by: Mere at November 18, 2008 06:21 AM

I think it's unfair to disparage all men in D.C.
Women need to allow themselves to be attracted to the "good men" and not the flashy, charismatic guys. It takes two to tango

Posted by: Susan at November 18, 2008 09:15 AM

If you think the men in and around DC are bad now, wait until more of them become Democrats in January...

Posted by: John at November 18, 2008 04:40 PM

I wish I know what "good-looking" means; I only know what I like. Sometimes that aligns with common tastes. Often, it does not.

Most men have something attractive about them.

Except the truly stupid ones. And I don't mean just "guy stupid"; I mean stupid stupid.

Why are you looking at me like that? What did I saaaaaaaaayyyyyy?????

Posted by: Attila Girl at November 18, 2008 10:58 PM

You humans are always thinking with your lizard brains and focused on the wrong Stuff.

Pay no attention to looks, EXCEPT fat. Run like hell from fat chicks. They can go find a husband at Wal-Mart. 99% of the time fat people are LAZY and self-indulgent. She's not fat like that because she goes deer hunting in her spare time, dude.

One requirement for a good woman is that she has to have a LIFE of her OWN - i.e. *something* she's interested in. It doesn't matter what it is, but if she doesn't, YOU'LL quickly become the only thing she's interested in, and she'll end up making your life HELL trying to control you.

Also, somewhere between the front door and the bedroom, you're going to have to TALK to her. Unless you like talking about airhead bullshit (in which case YOU'RE an airhead and are going to deserve the stupid sow she's going to be after 20 years of marriage), GET ONE WITH SOME BRAINS. The best way to do this is to find one at a *college*. (I prefer the Art Department, but YMMV) or somewhere else that INTELLIGENT women hang out. I.e. if you pick one up in a bar, don't whine and expect sympathy when you end up with the aforementioned Dumb Sow.

It REALLY helps to have some sort of initial brick-wall filtering mechanism, too. For insatance... *I* like to find out right away what kind of music a woman likes, and then run like hell, no second chances, if it isn't the right kind. Not having voted for OBlahBlahBlahBlah in the latest election would probably provide a useful brick-wall filter at this point, (and is a good gauge of intelligence as well.) The point is, the earlier you decide to run like hell, the easier it is to get away in time.

Actually, a filtering mechanism is good to have for filtering out humans *in general*, not just those you're thinking about sleeping with. Like, I make a subtle wisecrack and if it goes right past them, they're outta here.) That doesn't mean you shouldn't fall in love at first sight, of course - it just has to be for the right *reasons*. Like that spaceship captain in the "Firefly" series - he fell head-over-heels for the whorehouse madam when she showed him her *guns*. (Now, THERE's a guy with his head screwed on straight.)

I'm not sure there are ANY intelligent people in DC, though. Maybe there's a refuge for intelligence in there somewhere, but it sure as hell doesn't look like it to us rednecks out here in the hinterlands.. I always thought that group of Republican clowngressmen , had the right idea when they formed a prayer group the instant they got to Wastington - about all you *could* do if you got stuck in *that* schumerhole would be to *pray*.

Posted by: Merinas van der Lubbe at November 20, 2008 09:57 AM

"You humans?"
...Talk about setting yourself apart from the herd.

Worf: "Nice legs!" (Everybody looks at him, pause) "For a huumaan..."

Posted by: Darrell at November 21, 2008 12:34 AM

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