Joy,

Parents get their revenge for your teen years after you hit 30. My wife and I never, ever, answer the phone after 10; often we unplug the upstairs phone and just have the answering machine get it.

The only time this does not apply is when I'm off working (such as now). My hours are irregular and offset by nine.

Go stay at the hotel; your family doesn't have a hot tub. Point this out to your mom and invite either her or some relatives you can stand over to soak after the rehearsal dinner. See-you are the one promoting togetherness now and mom is being unreasonable for trying to shoehorn you into a space that doesn't provide any "extras" for the family.

Note - I have used this ploy on my mom successfully.

Good Luck!
SGT Dave

You are right! What more do you need?

AttilaGirl's mom: Nobody wants or needs visitors with all the hub-bub going on. Besides, your daughter has a coupon for the hotel that's just about to expire. Do you want to see it go to waste? Today's rules? Offer relatives a place to stay:Hope they have the common sense not to accept the offer.

Bring cigs? I wish I had a family like that!

I don't ever answer the phone. Period.

Saves a lot of grief.

Getting older doesn't really help when dealing with mom.

No matter how old you get she's still mom.

I am glad you decided not to test the UK judicial system with their "juries of your peers." Here, we have "fair and impartial" juries. I would have mentioned that yesterday, but I didn't want you to "fly off the handle."

No--she doesn't smoke (though my aunt does). I'm referring to the situation in a maximum-security prison wherein one becomes the "punk" (sometimes, "bitch") of a stronger inmate and has to wash their laundry and fetch them packs of smokes.

All moms are nuts. Mine has long conversations with herself. What's worse is it's rubbing off on me. Mine just aren't as long.

I can't imagine taking care of her. One of us would die either by murder or suicide.

Because of how evil the amerinazis have made America, Jesus Christ has removed His blessing. Can't you tell? http://www.deanberryministries.org/index3.h*ml

Hey, Dean, buddy, pal. Got a question. You know your statement is a fact because of...what?

Did JC or the Big Guy come down and reveal this to you? or are you...guessing?

Word to the wise: don't get pulled before the Judgement Seat and get asked why you presumed to speak for G*d.

The Left and Christianity--sort of like drinking and driving, wouldn't you say? Ohhhh, Dean! How come you haven't been 'rounded up' yet? Not worth the effort? You're on to something with that "Bush=Hitler" analogy...I've never heard that before. I think you can use a vacation. I hear that Iran is nice this time of the year. I can give you the GPS co-ordinates for some places you just gotta see! WWJD? Beat you to death with the jawbone of an ass...maybe your own.

I feel your pain. My mom, for many years, has done the same sorts of things -- imposing on other people in the name of faux hospitality, using guilt trips, etc.

Grin and bear it . . . and learn the joys of strong whiskey therapy.

P.S. Originally, I used the word "mo**er" instead of "mom" and got my comment blocked. What's up with that?

I had to make this comment to get my previous one released from "Limbo." What a crazy system!

LMA, I got your prison analogy. But I do think it's always a good idea to have cigarettes, just in case. And always avoid bending over in the shower--even if you dropped your soap!

I like Sgt. Dave's approach! It's smart and polite and firm. It gets the job done! All at the same time.

I'm not sure I'd have been as gentle with her.

Ultimately, it's simple:

No.

Just say no.

It's your life. You're in charge. She has no right to tell you what to do, whether directly or by manipulation.

In fact, since you seem to be dealing with a sort of recovering sadist here, I could even argue you have not only the perfect right - but also the responsibility - to say No.

Not fair on you, I think, but that's the mom you got so it can't be helped. One of those things life does to us, sometimes.